Modern Goddess Magazine

Motherhood is mostly a comedic event. At least that’s how I’ve come to view a large part of my life. After all, if I actually took this child rearing stuff totally seriously, it isn’t likely that I’d make it through one whole day! When you have children that rarely wear socks that match, eat dog bones as favorite snacks and sometimes, accidentally forward e mail that they didn’t realize was obscene, to their grandmother, well, you just have to have a sense of humor.

All of this comedic chaos is converging on me as another Mother’s Day is approaching and I’m wondering if I couldn’t use a view my own mother with a little more humor. I know that I’m not alone when I say that my relationship with my mother has been, at the very least, complex and rarely humorous.

I have come to understand that I need humor in my day to keep the balance. As often as I’ve wished for a rulebook or instruction manual for mothering, I’ve also spent just as much time being grateful that there isn’t. It just never occurred to me that my mother would have had any doubts of her own. She’s my mother. Isn’t she the source of all things? She isn’t allowed to have faults? Looking at it from the point of view of a child is a little different.

Think about it. Our children BELIEVE in us! They expect that we’ll have an answer for them when they don’t have one of their own and this continues into adulthood. The problem is that we don’t have all the answers and we’re bound to disappoint our beloved children when they realize that we are as human as they are. Isn’t that the core of most of the difficult mother-child relationships?

It hadn’t occurred to me until now that my mother spent just as many sleepless nights wondering if she did the right thing. As a young adult, I could have made a list of all the things that I thought that she did wrong and maybe I even had answers for how I thought that she should have behaved. I never accounted for the fact that she did the best that she could. She mothered with all of the knowledge and ability that she had. I wasn’t abused or mistreated, but for a very long time, I thought that she could have done a better job.

So here it is, another Mother’s Day and I’m projecting into the future. I see my children and I realize all the areas where I could have been a better mother and I’m realizing how hurt I will be when they remind me of that. I’ve loved them and wanted all of the best for them and basically, done the best that I could. It isn’t perfect and no matter how much I wish to be perfect, I never will be. Won’t I want some understanding from my children when they get to sit in the adult seat?

Do we ever take the time to consider how young or how old our mother might have been? What was she experiencing in her life that would have impacted her ability to pay attention or care for us? What were her needs?

My own mother was only 21 when I was born. When I look back, I put enormous expectations on what I think she should have been, but I would never expect so much from someone so young now. It takes the doubts that you experience being a mother to appreciate how scared and uncertain your own mother must have been when she stood in the shoes that you now stand in. I can honor her now, let go of all that baggage of expectation that I’ve carried around and allow her to be all that she is. A wonderful, beautiful, magical human being and… mother.